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Marvey Harvey
"Marvey Harvey" is the third episode of the first series of Sweet Sow. Summary The episode's plot continues from Stuck in Seaton. It involves Mummy Pig and her daughter Peppa on a journey to find Jimmy Savile's grave and resurrect him. However, shortly after he is revived, something goes wrong... Script Part 1 (Mummy Pig is in her stolen Sony car, driving. Peppa is next to her.) Mummy Pig: We're still in Seaton right now. We had arrived at the Mold habib beauty pageant, but we ended up late. So we're going on a trip to find Jimmy Savile's grave and bring him back from the dead. Peppa: Wasn't he a pedophile? Mummy Pig: Two words, fake news! Peppa: But. Mummy Pig: No "buts", young woman. Peppa: Okay. Hitchhiker: Hello, ladies. Mummy Pig: Why are you here? Hitchhiker: Mind. Mummy Pig: What do you mean? Hitchhiker: Who was Jimmy Savile, by the way? Mummy Pig: He was an English TV personality. He had his own kids show called Jim'll Fix It, and he used to be the host of a music chart show named Top of the Pops. He died a few years ago. Hitchhiker: Oh fondness fondness. (disappears) Mummy Pig: We're almost there, Peppa. Peppa: Wait, isn't his grave too far away from here? Mummy Pig: Oh. Fuck. (All of a sudden, they are teleported to the cemetery where Jimmy was buried.) Mummy Pig: We're at the cemetery. Hitchhiker: Did you bring shovels? Mummy Pig: Of course, dumbass. That's the reason why we're here at the cemetery. Hitchhiker: What did you just call me? Mummy Pig: Dumbass. (The hitchhiker runs far away a bit. Then he raises a finger and produces a loud screech, while standing still. His head explodes, and his body collapses to the ground.) Mummy Pig: Here's the shovel, now dig until you find his casket. Peppa: Alright, mummy. (As Peppa starts digging, Mummy Pig begins to grow.) Mummy Pig: Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Hitchhiker: What's going on here? Mummy Pig: How the fuck are you still alive? Hitchhiker: I'm a wizard. Mummy Pig: Hitchhiker, open the casket. Hitchhiker: Okay. (starts making strange hand movements) Mummy Pig: Give the body to me. (The hitchhiker continues to make his weird hand movements, not paying attention to Mummy Pig.) Mummy Pig: I said, give the body to me. Hitchhiker: I'm giving it to you, just wait and see. Jimmy Savile: (wakes up) Where am I? Hitchhiker: A cemetery. (But before anyone could speak, the hitchhiker turns into a Jimmy Savile lookalike.) Jimmy Savile: The hell? Hitchhiker: (in a Yorkshire accent) Good evening. Jimmy Savile: Why are you impersonating me? Hitchhiker: I'm not. I don't know how this happened? Jimmy Savile: Oh. Where's Margaret? Mummy Pig: She passed away in 2013. (Suddenly, Jimmy transforms into an elderly man named Marvey Harvey.) Marvey: Sleep, children, sleep. Peppa: What do you mean? Marvey: Sleep, and follow you into your dreams. For I, Marvey Harvey. Peppa: Nope, pervert. Marvey: Sheep. (farts) Mummy Pig: Bitch, I ain't no pig. (Mummy Pig transforms into Mrs. Sheep.) Mrs. Sheep: We need to revive Margaret. Marvey: Dream no more. Follow me into this lonely path. (Marvey leads Peppa and Mummy Pig Mrs. Sheep outside the cemetery.) Mrs. Sheep: The Iron Lady must return for once and for all! Marvey: No, lady. This is not what you are following me for. Mrs. Sheep: Oh. Peppa: Where are we going? Marvey: Mighty, mighty. Pageance of beauty. Peppa: I said, where are we going? Marvey: Businessman Donald Trump. Peppa: WHAT!? Marvey: Actually, beauty pageant. Mrs. Sheep: He means that the current U.S. president is a beauty pageant queen. Peppa: Oh. Marvey: Eater bunny! Peppa: Where? (Suddenly, the Easter bunny pops up from behind one of the graves.) Easter Bunny: Hail this hitman Peppa: What? Easter Bunny: Adolf Hitler will rise again Peppa: What do you mean? Easter Bunny: Heil Hitler! Mrs. Sheep: I didn't know the Easter bunny was a Nazi. Adolf Hitler: (wakes up) Eat the children, Bertram. Peppa: EEK! (As Hitler starts walking toward Peppa, Marvey fades away.) Adolf Hitler: Eee-rah-ee. (Adolf transforms into Bertram Winkle the Butler.) Peppa: Marvey? Shit, he's gone now. Who's gonna save us? Marvey: By accessing a wormhole. Duh! Easter Bunny: Kill Peppa. Mrs. Sheep: Nope. (Mrs. Sheep shoots lasers out her eyes toward the Easter bunny and Bertram, causing the former to explode.) Bertram: I am God. I cannot die. Bye. (Bertram's head explodes, causing Peppa to turn into DVD bra.) DVD bra: Hell no. Mrs. Sheep: Peppa, if you keep swearing, then I'll force you to watch All in the Family. DVD bra: Bitch. Mrs. Sheep: Do you really want to be like Archie Bunker. DVD bra: I'm in the family. (Peppa DVD bra's mind starts to expand.) Mrs. Sheep: Let's watch Peppa's Adventures. It's basically what life would be like if we weren't whores. DVD bra: Sure, mummy. Mrs. Sheep: I don't know why they call humans, "users" in that show. (Sometime later...) DVD bra: Well, that was shit! I hope it gets cancelled after the second season. Hitchhiker: Wrong. DVD bra: How dare you disagree with me? Mrs. Sheep: I'm jealous of the users. DVD bra: Why? They're boring characters that are made to sell merchandise. Mysterious voice: (off-screen) True. Hitchhiker: The users suck! (Marvey appears next to Mrs. Sheep.) Marvey: Sleep no more. Mrs. Sheep: What do you mean? Marvey: Continue, move on. (Marvey exits the graveyard, along with DVD bra and Mrs. Sheep. DVD bra's brain has returned to its normal size.) Mrs. Sheep: I think it's time to murder the users from that fantastic show. DVD bra: Not yet, mummy. We're going to see Donald Trump. Mrs. Sheep: Fine. (A large, bright, blue portal opens in front of Marvey, and they stop walking. Marvey shuts his eyes and raises his hands.) Marvey: Trump, the beauty pageant star. (Nothing happens for fourteen seconds.) DVD bra: Marvey? Marvey: Mateusz. DVD bra: Who the fuck is Mateusz? (Marvey lets out a fart.) Writer: (off-screen) No fart humor! Marvey: Mateusz is. (Nothing happens again, for six seconds.) DVD bra: Who!? Mateusz: Cześć. Marvey: Son, you shall open the gates leading to the Donald. Mateusz: Hmm... okay, I guess. DVD bra: Your son is in that god awful show. (Marvey opens his eyes, causing Mateusz to disappear.) Marvey: Mateusz is now flowing with the wind. DVD bra: Why? Marvey: Illusions are illusions. One cannot perceive the illusion without believing in it, when leaving the subconscious and returning back to reality. Mrs. Sheep: Mateusz is gone, and that's good news. Marvey: Anyway. (pause) I present, entering the Donald among the pageance of beauty herein. (The three walk into the portal.) Hitchhiker: Hello? Anyone still here? (The three walk outside the portal, and they find themselves near Mold habib. Somehow, Peppa and Mummy Pig have turned back to normal.) Mateusz: Okay, I'm at this weird place. Peppa: You talk weird. Mateusz: Huh? (disappears) Mummy Pig: Shut up, Wesley. Peppa: But my name's not Wesley. Mummy Pig: VODKA!!! Hitchhiker: Hello? Mummy Pig: Peasant? Go fetch me a copy of "Cigarettes" by Star Sheep. Hitchhiker: Do I have to? Mummy Pig: Yes, or else I'll have to chop your head off. By the way, buy a bottle of vodka on the way. Hitchhiker: Fine. Mummy Pig: Wait a minute... haven't we went there before? Hitchhiker: I don't know. Marvey: White House. Peppa: '''What? '''Marvey: '''Donald J. Trump. '''Mummy Pig: Mateusz! Mateusz! Mateusz! Mateusz: (offscreen, voice echoing) What do you want? I'm a user in Peppa's Adventures. Peppa: I hate that show. Mummy Pig: Oh, wait. He's disappeared again. Shit. Marvey: Mateusz is always with the wind. Now, as I thought spoken, we shall enter the White House. (As Marvey walks into Mold habib, Peppa Pig and Mummy Pig follow him. Inside is a room with a blue floor and red walls.) Voice: (offscreen) Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAaaa!? Peppa: Bloody hell? Marvey: Keep sake. Mateusz: (offscreen) Why is Enderpig bad? I think he's a good guy. Peppa: Because Enderpig tries to murder people. Voice: Make America Great Again. Mummy Pig: Donnie, is that you? Marvey: Move on. (The three walk toward a staircase.) Peppa: Where are we going? Marvey: We'll see. (They start walking up the staircase.) Voice: (offscreen) Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAaaa!? Peppa: I'm scared. Marvey: Not to fear, children. Sleep. Mummy Pig: Look, we can't sleep right now. We- Marvey: Sleep. Mummy Pig: Chuck furry hybrid. Marvey: Fofão. Mummy Pig: Oh. I didn't know that was an actual thing. Fofão: (offscreen) Olá? Peppa: ! (Peppa falls down the stairs.) Mummy Pig: Don't worry. Mummy'll save you! (...but she just stands there.) Mummy Pig: Marvey, is she dead? Marvey: Water. (The camera zooms out to reveal that the floor has become a lake.) Mummy Pig: Elsa. Gate. (Ruvus Wavoley pops out of the water.) Ruvus: Líesto, treidutvei once vined. Mummy Pig: Ruvus Wavoley, I thought you were dead? Ruvus: I have been trapped in this sea for ages, but today is the day I'm alive. Mummy Pig: How old are you? Ruvus: Eh. (Ruvus gets ripped apart and it turns out Peppa was inside him.) Mummy Pig: Oh oh oh oh oh. (starts growing) Peppa, how dare you impersonate Ruvus Wavoley. That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for one million years. Peppa: But mummy, I wasn't trying to impersonate Ruvus. Something went wrong, and I ended up in his body. Please forgive me. Mummy Pig: Adult reltih Heck Records exclusive. (Mummy Pig becomes unrealistically thin and flies to the ceiling while dancing.) Mummy Pig: Mateusz! Must be kidnapped Mateusz: (offscreen) I don't do anything wrong, do I? Mummy Pig: For being a user in that crappy TV show. Also your a communist, by the way. Mateusz: What is this communist? Mummy Pig: Communists are dirty rats that hate the economy. Is that Cool Cat behind you, Peppa? Cool Cat: WASSUP MOTHAFUCKAS!!?? Mummy Pig: Teach my daughter, Peppa a lesson. Cool Cat: Okay. (Cool Cat turns black and his neck grows long.) Cool Cat: YOU DID NOT KILL HIM! IT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S BULLSHIT! YOU DID NOT! OHMYGOD! Peppa: Who did I not kill? Cool Cat: Oh hi, Mark. (Cool Cat transforms into Marvey Harvey, who has been gone for a moment.) Mummy Pig: Where the fuck were you? Marvey: By accessing a wormhole. Duh! Voice: (offscreen) Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAaaa!? Mummy Pig: That voice is Mateusz. Of course. Marvey: Trump. Mummy Pig: No. I am very sure that's Mateu- Peppa: Can we rent a hotel room, mummy? Mummy Pig: No. Peppa: Why? I wanna get some rest. Mummy Pig: Nope, sorry. Where's the hitchhhiker? Hitchhiker: (starts singing) It's astonunding, time is fleeting. Madness, takes it's toll. But listen closely. Mummy Pig: Nope. That song's copyrighted! (Marvey raises a finger, which causes the hitchhiker to disappear.) Mummy Pig: Good, he's gone. Marvey: Enough is enough. Head upstairs. Peppa: Okay. (Instead of walking up, they fly over the staircase. It leads them to a plain, white room with a black door.) Voice: (offscreen) Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAaaa!? Peppa: Who's laughing? Marvey: Inside. (Marvey opens the door, which shows a fancy room where Donald Trump is sitting.) Mummy Pig: Trump? Is that really you? Trump: Yes. I am the Donald. Peppa: I thought you were busy with being the POTUS. Trump: I have no idea what a POTUS is. What is a POTUS? Peppa: You're the president of the United States of America, duh! Trump: I have no memory of being elected. The only job I have is being a beauty queen. Peppa: When were you born? Trump: Duh. 1496. Peppa: You're not the real Donald Trump. Trump: No. I can assure you I am the true Donald Trump. Peppa: How old are you? Who is the president? Who was your rival in the election? Trump: I'm 46. The president is George Washington. And my rival was Stephen Colbert. Peppa: Wrong, dumbass. Trump: You're the one who's wrong. Mateusz: This is why Americans are annoying and Brits are nice to me. Trump: Popo soup. (Trump flies in the air with his chair.) Mateusz: Trump? Who is your wife? Trump: Kim Jong-un. Mateusz: Who's that? Trump: I need an IV sodie. Mateusz: What? Trump: Kim's favorite show is Squirrel and Hedgehog. Marvey: The Donald. Keep out of your sleep. Trump: Yes I will. But I want to watch Squirrel and Hedgehog, my favorite show. Marvey: Sleep no more. Awaken from your dreams. Trump: Okay. Mateusz: What's Squirrel and Hedgehog? Can I watch it? Trump: Here, you can have it. (Trump "gives" the 31st episode of Squirrel and Hedgehog to Mateusz.) Mateusz: Thanks. (Marvey raises both hands and closes his eyes.) Marvey: Wake up, Donald. Trump: Squirrel is a Flower Hill citizen and Hedgehog is the lea- (Trump falls back down with his chair.) Mateusz: Hail our supreme leader, Kim Jong Un. Marvey: The Donald, you must show us your pageance. Trump: Okay. We hath converted our dear son into Kim Jong Un-ism. (Suddenly, they are teleported to the contest.) Mateusz: Kim Jong Un will vote who is the greatest. Peppa: Weren't we late to this beauty pageant before? Mateusz: Obey our supreme leader, Kim Jong Un. Marvey: No. Mateusz: Do it o- (Marvey closes his hands, causing Mateusz to vanish.) Mummy Pig: Finally. That annoying brat is gone. Trump: Peppa, here is your beauty. (Peppa gets blue eyeshadows, eyelashes, and a fancy red dress.) Mummy Pig: You look beautiful, but not as beautiful as me, though. Peppa: Thanks, mummy. (Mummy Pig kicks Peppa to the stage.) Kim Jong-un: Hail me or get executed. Peppa: But I don't know how... Kim Jong-un: Time for an execution then. Peppa: But wait! I think I can actually do it. Kim Jong-un: Show me, and you'll be rewarded. Peppa: Okay. (Suddenly, Peppa grows to be muscular.) Peppa: Parapee. (Peppa's head morphs into Kim Jong-un's head.) Classy Henrietta: Look at this bitch. She's low class. Peppa: Shut up. (Peppa grabs Henrietta and throws her out.) Kim Jong-un: Outstanding, Peppa. (Kim Jong-un morphs into Margaret Thatcher.) Marvey: Margaret? I'm missed you. Margaret: I remember you, Marvey. (Suddenly, Marget transforms into Fofão.) Fofão: Marvey? Marvey: My dear son, sleep no more. (Fofão transforms back into Kim Jong-un.) Kim Jong-un: Brazil! Brazil is attacking me! Marvey: Kim Jong-un, sleep... Kim Jong-un: Fine. (A blue gas flows out of Marvey's hands, toward Kim Jong-un.j Marvey: Sleep... Kim Jong-un: What's that? I feel something funny in my body. I think I'm sleepy. Ah... (Kim faints on the floor.) Peppa: Brazil must pay for the loss of a great man, Kim Jong-un. Marvey: No. Kim Jong-un, asleep. Peppa: Oh. But we're still invading Brazil! Marvey: No, Peppa. Sleep from your lies. Mummy Pig: WE ARE INVADING BRAZIL AND THAT'S FINAL! Marvey: Sleep... (The blue gas from before flows out of Marvey's hands, moving toward Mummy Pig and her daughter.) Mummy Pig: (screaming; in pain) OWWW! MY EYES! Marvey: Once there's pain, no gain. Peppa: Marvey, I feel tired. Marvey: Try the "stuff". Peppa: What's that? Marvey: Go to sleep. (Peppa yawns, and both she and Mummy Pig faint.) Marvey: Now, I shall flight back to my resting place. (Cut to a picture of Jimmy Savile, with accordion music playing in the background.) Announcer: The magic of Marvey Harvey has made Peppa and Mummy Pig fall asleep unconscious, but that doesn't mean the expedition had ended. Tune in next year for more Sweet Sow... or is it? Part 2 (During sunrise, Peppa wakes up inside the beauty pageant and yawns.) Peppa: Mummy? Wake up. Mummy Pig: (wakes up) Peppa, it's too goddamn early. We have to go back to sleep. Peppa: Meth. Mummy Pig: I'm an eighteen year-old college freshman, God damnit! Peppa: But mummy- Mummy Pig: No "buts". (Nothing happens for five seconds.) Peppa: But- Mummy Pig: Chinese. (Mummy Pig flies to the sky while walking.) Mummy Pig: MUMMY PIG IS NOT INDIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Peppa: I hate you! Mummy Pig: What? Peppa: Can we please go to Olimu? Mummy Pig: Not until you win this beauty pageant. Besides, Olimu's too expensive. Peppa: Fine. What city is SBC's headquarters located in, anyway? Mummy Pig: Fred? Peppa: Wrong. It's Pleasantview. (Every time the hitchhiker appears, he is seen in his room.) Hitchhiker: Yeah? Mummy Pig: You forgot to bring my vodka, and a copy of Star Sheep's "Cigarettes." I'll chop your head off as a result. Hitchhiker: Hold on, I need a thirty. Mummy Pig: There is no "hold on." You better give me the things I've asked you to bring this instant. Hitchhiker: Fine. Muffy: (singing; on TV) I'm the manager of your dreams. Mummy Pig: Wrong. Muffy: (on TV) WAHHH! (Muffy disappears.) Mummy Pig: Who was that scary, Chucky lookalike? Peppa: (in Marvey's voice) Fofão. Mummy Pig: Oh. Go back to sleep. (Cut to a photo of Marvey Harvey, with the same accordion music playing. After four seconds, it shows Peppa and Mummy Pig sleeping at the same beauty pageant.) Random voice: (offscreen) Ooolala. You're from North Korea. Mummy Pig: Ooolala. You're from North Korea. Random voice: (offscreen) Ooolala. You're from North Korea. Mummy Pig: Ooolala. You're from North Korea. Random voice: (offscreen) Ooolal- (Suddenly, Mummy Pig snorts and wakes up.) Peppa: Mummy! You woke me up. Mummy Pig: So? It's ten in the morning, and it's the perfect time to wake up. Peppa: Oh. Jake Long, American dragon. Mummy Pig: Experience the Bob Duncan Experience. Peppa: I hate Kim Possible. It's anti-bancy. Voice: (offscreen) Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAaaa!? Peppa: Oh, it's that creepy laughing voice again! (Donald Trump floats down to the floor.) Trump: Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAaaa!? Peppa: So it was Trump all along who was laughing. Danny Dog: Scary. Peppa: Danny? Why are you here? Danny Dog: '''Because I am. '''Peppa: '''That's not a reason. '''Danny Dog: I was in Italy. Peppa: Oh, shit. (Once Trump lands on the floor, he walks up to the stage. An audience applauds at him.) Trump: Good evening, ladies. Welcome to the nine-hundred-ninety-third Mold habib beauty pageant... event. Yesterday, today, on OTN. I am your host, Donald Trump. Next up, I would like to introduce to you the contestants. (Trump points to random locations for a moment.) Trump: Saltare Sheep, come outside. (An oddly short female sheep walks up on the stage.) Saltare: (screaming) I am a woman. My name is Saltare. I am having a really good time to spare. Trump: Eh, four. Garfield: Not bad, but you could have potential. Seven. AlbertsStuff: You are a man. Three. Saltare: FUCK! NONE OF YOU HAVE TASTES IN MUSIC! I'M DONE! FUCK! (Saltare runs away.) Trump: ZD, next on the stage. (A female horse with long legs goes on the stage.) Mummy Pig: ZD? I thought you were dead. ZD: Bitch, who said I was dead? Mummy Pig: I did. Stripped. ZD: I ain't no dead. I never died my whole life. Trump: Nine. (The rest of the three judges change randomly.) Tails: Nine. Edward Johnson: Nine. Peppa: Bertram? Bertram Bliter: Yes. Peppa: Why are you here? Bertram Bliter: By accessing a wormhole. Duh- Peppa: STOP IT. THAT PHRASE HAS BEEN OVERUSED AND I CAN'T STAND IT. JUST STOP. Bertram Bliter: Oh. Sorry. Trump: Peppa Pig, step up to us. Peppa: Hold on, I gotta show myself to the judges. (Peppa walks up to the stage.) Trump: Most beautiful woman. One thousand one. Hitchhiker: Prettiest princess. Five million. Fox McCloud: I agree, because she just looks like Kim Jong-un. Two thousand ninety nine. Mummy Pig: Shit. Peppa: What's the matter, mummy? Mummy Pig: I'm gonna voice one of the main characters in the Squirrel and Hedgehog reboot. Peppa: Oh. G top. Trump: Our final contestant. (G top walks up the stage.) G top: I'm a Coachella bitch! Trump: Of course you are. Ten. Fox McCloud: Eight. Adult relth: Ten. Category:Sweet Sow episodes Category:Fanon